Bystanders

If we truly are going to work on trying to prevent rape and sexual assaults, it is not going to be decided by the rapists stopping what they are doing, it is the bystanders job to stop the rapists from doing what they are doing. There has been a lot of research about bystander behavior, and how it relates to sexual violence. Many of the experts condemn bystanders along with the rapists themselves because they are accepting the crime instead of stopping it. There are many reasons for bystanders just sitting and not stepping up to stop sexual violence from occuring, such as:

1. Guilt
2. Fear of Physical Abuse from perpetrator
3. Lack of Responsibility
4. Fear of Social Abandonment from perpetrator or friends
5. Lack of helping behavior
6. Inability to identify potential perpetrators
7. Apathy


One of the suggestions that many of the social researchers and rape experts out there suggested that bystanders adopt a "Golden Rule" kind of approach when facing the situation of stopping a rape or sexual assault from occuring. And it takes a group of people, and a type of community outreach, to stop sex offenders from doing what they feel they can get away with. In the end, strength lies in the power of numbers. But, you would be surprised what it takes to just go above and beyond a bystander. It may just take a small bit of interaction on part of a bystander to become part of the solution instead of continuing to be part of the problem. Here are some examples listed below of interactions that occur between perpetrators and bystanders, and friends( one who was raped and the other just sat there).

Bystander to Perpetrator:
(Mike is walking down the street and in front of him, he sees a man following very close behind a woman and seems to be trying to force her down a dark ally behind her)
(Mike notices the distress on the girl's face, and realizes that she is trying to get away but she can't. He knows that if nobody does anything, something is going to happen to the woman.)
(Mike quickly runs behind the man, and taps on his shoulder very forcibly).
Mike: Excuse me, sir?
Man: What the hell do you want? You got a problem?
Mike: No, I'm sorry to bother you. I'm from out of town. Could you give me directions to Fourth Street?
Man: No, I can't. Get the hell of here.
(The man turns around, and just because of Mike's interaction, the girl had the time to get away and had enough distance between her and the strange man.)

And that's all it takes.


Friend-to-Friend.
Jennifer: Hey Maria, can I talk to you?
Maria: Sure, it looks like something is bothering you.
Jennifer: Something is bothering me. In fact, you're the problem.
Maria: Me? What did I do?
Jennifer: Exactly. You did nothing.
Maria: I'm confused.
Jennifer: Last night at the party, Mark took me back in the bedroom and we had sex. I didn't even know that was happening. I like Mark, but I didnt want to go that far with him! I didnt say yes! And from what I heard from Julie, you were right there on the couch with us when he started to get grabby and he took me upstairs. Why didn't you do anything?
Maria: I don't know. Mark is pretty popular, and no one tells him no.
Jennifer: What do you mean, 'you dont know'? Mark basically raped me!
Maria: Oh come on, like you wouldn't have done it with him anyway? Isn't that what you wanted anyway?
Jennifer: No, Maria, I didn't. I wasn't ready. In fact, I knew I wasn't going to be ready for quite some time. I wanted to take it slow. We're not even a couple! Let me ask you something Maria...how would you feel if someone you knew took advantage of you when you weren't stable enough to realize it? And your best friend just sat there and let it happen?
Maria: Um, now that you put it that way...I'm sorry Jenn. I should have said something. You're my best friend, and I should have thought more of your feelings. I know if I was in the same situation, you would have said something. In fact, let's go talk with Mark right now about it. If not, we'll find someone else to talk to about it.